Celebration/Enjoyment

By Linda Scholten June 2016  

I recently experienced quite a roller coaster of events and emotions.  I have been a mentor coach for a year-long coaches training program, and we just had their graduation.  What a celebration! There was transformation, connection, acknowledgement, and enjoyment.  There was also sadness because of an ending and a mixture of hope and fear looking into the future.  Four days later I laid off an employee who had become a dear friend and informed our staff that our business had been sold.  Believe it or not, there was transformation, connection, acknowledgement, and enjoyment.  There was also sadness because of an ending and a mixture of hope and fear looking into the future.

I would never have expected these two diametrically different events to have such striking similarities.   Yet there were.  As it begins, so it ends.  As it ends, so it begins.  This circle of life is full of endings and beginnings.  We get to choose how we experience it.  If you want transformation, celebration and enjoyment, I strongly recommend taking risks, making connections, and serving and acknowledging those you meet along the way.

Without connection, we are a party of one.  If that’s what you want, you can have it.  If connection is what you seek, the fastest way to connect with someone’s soul is through service and acknowledgement.  Both of these are accessed through truly seeing or hearing someone.  Look at that person.  Who do you see?  What do you see?  Think of what would truly serve them (not what you would want).  Serve them.  Acknowledge them.  It is pleasant to get acknowledgement for a job well done, but to truly touch someone, acknowledge them for who they are.  Acknowledge their Being, their Essence.

How many of us are ever truly seen or heard?    There is no greater gift.  There is no cost.  The giver receives as much or more than the receiver.  What do you both get? Transformation, Connection, Acknowledgment and Enjoyment.  Now there’s something to celebrate!

For life, relationship and professional coaching, please contact me, Linda Scholten, at linda@coachingicu.com

Be the Change…

By Linda Scholten

“Be the change you wish to see in the world”. This saying has been attributed to Mahatma Gandhi, although documentation seems to show that someone, somewhere along the way took something Gandhi said and abbreviated it into this soundbite. Never-the-less, the saying has meaning in the sound bite world of 2016.

Ever since I knew I was going to be writing on this saying, I have been mulling it over in my mind.

The first word that jumps out to me is “BE”. If I wish to see change – I need to be consistent with and congruent with that change. I must live it, embody it. I must BE it. It must be part of my BE-ing. Let’s say I wish to see peace in the world, I must BE peace. As long as there is ‘war’ or conflict in me, or between me and my neighbor (aka anyone in my life or whom I encounter) there is no peace. This includes the driver who cut me off in traffic, the mass murderer I judge, the politician I abhor, the co-worker who irritates me, the lover who betrayed me…. How can I expect 7+ billion people to accomplish what I on my own, have not been able to master? So, as the song says, “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.” I could argue that it both begins and ends with me. At least my peace does.

So let’s say I master peace in my life. And let’s further assume I didn’t have to isolate myself on a mountain top to accomplish it. I can even maintain the peace. Now what? This takes us to the second word that jumps out of the saying – “CHANGE”. What change do I wish to BE, to see? What change do YOU wish to see? Be? For the change I envision, I am the change-agent. There was already a Mahatma Gandhi, a Martin Luther King, a Rosa Parks, a Mother Theresa.

The position for me to fill, is my own. For this, I am the only one who can be it. I am the only one who can do it. Take action based on my BE-ing. This is arguably the most powerful thing we can do in this world – take action from our BE-ing. What action should I take? What action do I feel called to take? How about you? Are you willing to DO what it takes, from BE-ing, to see your change through? Am I?

The third word that jumps out for me is “WORLD”. This word speaks to tangible results – in the world. It speaks to community – local or global – all the people whose names I mentioned made massive changes in the world and had community committed to change. While it took one to spark the flame, it took many to maintain it. What is your action? Who are your ‘peeps’, your supporters?

Be the change you wish to see in the world. Here’s another way to say this:

Insight + Action = Results

Insight alone won’t make change. Action alone won’t make change. You need both the insight plus the action – the being and the doing. Then you have a chance to change YOUR world and maybe even THE world!

For life and professional coaching, please contact me, Linda Scholten, at linda@coachingicu.com

Renewal

By Linda Scholten

Re-new-al. The word itself implies that it is referring, not to something that is new-new, but to something that is re-new. I would like to play with the thought that in order for something to be re-newed, something has to die. I see beautiful evidence of this all around me at this time of year. From the dead or dormant phase of plants or trees in winter, come beautiful flowers, leaves, buds in the Spring.

For me to be renewed, what has to die, or at least fall away? Thoughts and beliefs that are harmful, judgmental, or simply no longer serve me. For new thoughts, beliefs or simply an open, expansive, not knowing mind to exist, these old thoughts need to loosen their grip.

Think about this for a moment. What thought or belief do you have that holds you back? Notice I didn’t say do you have a thought or belief that holds you back, because we all have them. Think about one thought or belief. Here’s a few of mine: I’m too fat, I’m not good enough. Or the thought could be about another: He doesn’t love me, or she doesn’t respect me, or he drinks too much.

How can you stop thinking that thought? This is a good news, bad news situation. The bad news is you can’t stop thinking that thought (i.e don’t think about a pink elephant). The good news is, that by questioning the thought, you can loosen its grip on you. So how do you question a thought? For this, I will refer to “The Work” by Byron Katie, which in its simplest form, consists of 4 questions and turning the thought around.  

I’ll work through an example for you. The belief I’ll use is “I’m not good enough’.

1. Q: Is it true? A: Yes
2. Q: Can you absolutely know that it’s true? A: Well no, I’m good enough for some things.
3. Q: How do you react, what happens when you believe that thought? A: I feel depressed, like a victim, less than, I feel defeated, hunched over, sad.
4. Q: Who would you be without the thought? A: I feel lighter, more confident, able, my chest opens up and I am holding my head higher, I can think more clearly.

Now turn the original thought around: ‘I’m not good enough’ can get turned around to ‘I am good enough’, and give 3 genuine examples of how this is true.

1. I have been married for 25 years – I’m good enough to be a wife!
2. I have been the director of an agency for 16 years – I’m good enough to do that!
3. I have good friends – I am good enough to be a great friend!

This is ‘The Work’ at its simplest. So many of the thoughts and beliefs we stubbornly hold on to that limit our selves, or our lives, or our relationships, when looked at, simply aren’t true. By questioning them, the old thoughts begin to lose their grip, leaving room for thoughts that are as true or truer than the original thought.

This is renewal, a dying off of the old, so we can be re-newed. I love how this is so beautifully and simply expressed in this line from ‘The Rose’, by Bette Midler:

“…Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snow, Lies the seed that with the sun's love, in the spring becomes the rose.”

For support in facilitating ‘The Work’ for you, please contact me, Linda Scholten, at linda@coachingicu.com

Amplify Love

By Linda Scholten

It may just be true that Love makes the world go ‘round. Something does, so why not love?   Love is so much more than romantic love. Love is what connects us in this world. Try, for a moment, to imagine a world without love. For me, it is unthinkable. Love for family, friends, humanity, pets, all of the other animals in the animal kingdom, nature, art, love of our planet, and (for some) love of God, to mention a few.

We know about feeling love, but how do we amplify it? To amplify something, you increase its strength, and you make it greater, larger or louder. For me, this speaks to unconditional love. My teacher and mentor, George Addair defined unconditional love as Agape love: “Love the unlovable, forgive the unforgivable and give to the undeserving”. This is as strong as love gets, and many of us will never truly achieve it.

The Greeks have more names for love than we do in English, where the word love can mean anything from I love my new shoes to I love you to the depth and breadth of my being. Agape is one of these Greek terms. Maybe you would prefer to amplify one of the others: Eros, the physical sensual love, romantic love that feels so good! Seldom do we feel as alive as when we first fall in love. Or Pia - the incomparable love between a parent and a child; or Philios, which is brotherly (or sisterly) love – the love we have for our friends, a love so strong that one soldier will fall on a grenade to save his comrades.

This song, from John Denver, is so meaningful to me, and I think applies to all different types of love. Read it and take a moment to bring the words into your heart.

"Perhaps Love

Perhaps love is like a resting place, a shelter from the storm. It exists to give you comfort, it is there to keep you warm. And in those times of trouble when you are most alone, the memory of love will bring you home.

Perhaps love is like a window, perhaps an open door. It invites you to come closer, it wants to show you more. And even if you lose yourself and don't know what to do, the memory of love will see you through.

Oh, love to some is like a cloud, to some as strong as steel. For some a way of living, for some a way to feel. And some say love is holding on and some say letting go. And some say love is everything, some say they don't know. Perhaps love is like the ocean, full of conflict, full of pain. Like a fire when it's cold outside, thunder when it rains. If I should live forever and all my dreams come true, my memories of love will be of you. “

This month, I invite you to take some time to think about, or meditate on all that you love. And then take it a step further. Make love a verb! Find a way to amplify this love – not just romantic love, but in an unexpected way, to a person, group, animal, or nature. Someone or something that could use the boost that your love can bring. If you want to be loved, take the risk to love first!

New Beginnings

NewBeginning

By Linda Scholten

I went to visit my mother on Vancouver Island, had a great time, and now it was time to leave.  As the ferry pulled out of the harbor, I faced back toward the Island.  It is a beautiful place and I was enjoying the scenery and thinking about what a nice visit we’d had.  Then a thought struck me. No matter how beautiful the place, how wonderful the time, how great the people, you can’t move forward too far while you’re looking back.  The past is important because that’s where you’ve been, lived, learned, suffered, loved, and has contributed to making you who you are today. It can be fun, therapeutic, or instructive to look back, but it won’t get you where you’re going.  To truly move forward, you have to leave the harbor. 

I don’t know anything about navigating a boat, so those of you who do, please forgive me if I’m butchering sacred knowledge. I’m milking a metaphor, not teaching navigation.  It makes sense to me that there are three important things to know:  where you’ve been, where you’re going, and where you are.  Which is the most important of the three?  Depends on your objective.  Do you want to live in the past, the present, or the future?

The past is, well, past.  I love this quote (author unknown):  “When your past calls, don’t answer.  It has nothing new to say.”  All clichés aside, the past is all we’ve known.  For better or worse, it is the harbor we’re leaving.  What or who you knew to succeed there may or may not be helpful where you’re going.

The future beckons or threatens; invites or intimidates; shines a light to move toward or blinds us; welcomes us or scares the crap out of us.  It is what we are moving forward to.  But you can’t live there either.  Great as a place to strive toward, set goals, make plans, imagine, and create.  It is not real. Yet.  You are not there.  Yet.  On a journey, you might change your point of destination.  You might end up somewhere quite different than where you were headed.  By choice, by chance, or by consequence.

Of course where we are now, in the present moment, is where we live.  It is where we begin, or begin again.  The waters we’re on are the ones we navigate.  The waters where you are may be calm or stormy.  The present conditions are the ones you live with, despite what they were like yesterday or will be like tomorrow.  Blessing or curse?  It’s up to you.  Will you use the power of choice?  Will you experience the moment?  Will you live it?  Embrace it?  Be in it?  Or will you squander the present moment with regrets, guilt, or hanging on with longing, to the past?  Or will you miss the present moment by wishing, fantasizing, dreading or fearing the future (your imagined future, that is)?  Are you fully there to make the choices the present moment requires? Your call.  Each and every moment.  A new chance, a new opportunity, a new beginning.

Shall I end with the most obvious cliché?  Shall I be that corny? <Yes, do it!  No, don’t do it! You’ll be glad you did, people will see the humor!  No, they’ll think it is unoriginal and obvious.  You’ll be sorry! Don’t!> I’m doing it!  I’m ending with that corny cliché!

Each and every moment.  A new chance, a new opportunity, a new beginning, a new gift.  That’s why we call it the present!

Linda Scholten offers personal goal coaching! To discuss coaching or to schedule a complimentary sample session, contact Linda at 360-836-9004 or email her at:Linda.Scholten@AccomplishmentCoaching.com