Renewal

By Linda Scholten

Re-new-al. The word itself implies that it is referring, not to something that is new-new, but to something that is re-new. I would like to play with the thought that in order for something to be re-newed, something has to die. I see beautiful evidence of this all around me at this time of year. From the dead or dormant phase of plants or trees in winter, come beautiful flowers, leaves, buds in the Spring.

For me to be renewed, what has to die, or at least fall away? Thoughts and beliefs that are harmful, judgmental, or simply no longer serve me. For new thoughts, beliefs or simply an open, expansive, not knowing mind to exist, these old thoughts need to loosen their grip.

Think about this for a moment. What thought or belief do you have that holds you back? Notice I didn’t say do you have a thought or belief that holds you back, because we all have them. Think about one thought or belief. Here’s a few of mine: I’m too fat, I’m not good enough. Or the thought could be about another: He doesn’t love me, or she doesn’t respect me, or he drinks too much.

How can you stop thinking that thought? This is a good news, bad news situation. The bad news is you can’t stop thinking that thought (i.e don’t think about a pink elephant). The good news is, that by questioning the thought, you can loosen its grip on you. So how do you question a thought? For this, I will refer to “The Work” by Byron Katie, which in its simplest form, consists of 4 questions and turning the thought around.  

I’ll work through an example for you. The belief I’ll use is “I’m not good enough’.

1. Q: Is it true? A: Yes
2. Q: Can you absolutely know that it’s true? A: Well no, I’m good enough for some things.
3. Q: How do you react, what happens when you believe that thought? A: I feel depressed, like a victim, less than, I feel defeated, hunched over, sad.
4. Q: Who would you be without the thought? A: I feel lighter, more confident, able, my chest opens up and I am holding my head higher, I can think more clearly.

Now turn the original thought around: ‘I’m not good enough’ can get turned around to ‘I am good enough’, and give 3 genuine examples of how this is true.

1. I have been married for 25 years – I’m good enough to be a wife!
2. I have been the director of an agency for 16 years – I’m good enough to do that!
3. I have good friends – I am good enough to be a great friend!

This is ‘The Work’ at its simplest. So many of the thoughts and beliefs we stubbornly hold on to that limit our selves, or our lives, or our relationships, when looked at, simply aren’t true. By questioning them, the old thoughts begin to lose their grip, leaving room for thoughts that are as true or truer than the original thought.

This is renewal, a dying off of the old, so we can be re-newed. I love how this is so beautifully and simply expressed in this line from ‘The Rose’, by Bette Midler:

“…Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snow, Lies the seed that with the sun's love, in the spring becomes the rose.”

For support in facilitating ‘The Work’ for you, please contact me, Linda Scholten, at linda@coachingicu.com

Amplify Love

By Linda Scholten

It may just be true that Love makes the world go ‘round. Something does, so why not love?   Love is so much more than romantic love. Love is what connects us in this world. Try, for a moment, to imagine a world without love. For me, it is unthinkable. Love for family, friends, humanity, pets, all of the other animals in the animal kingdom, nature, art, love of our planet, and (for some) love of God, to mention a few.

We know about feeling love, but how do we amplify it? To amplify something, you increase its strength, and you make it greater, larger or louder. For me, this speaks to unconditional love. My teacher and mentor, George Addair defined unconditional love as Agape love: “Love the unlovable, forgive the unforgivable and give to the undeserving”. This is as strong as love gets, and many of us will never truly achieve it.

The Greeks have more names for love than we do in English, where the word love can mean anything from I love my new shoes to I love you to the depth and breadth of my being. Agape is one of these Greek terms. Maybe you would prefer to amplify one of the others: Eros, the physical sensual love, romantic love that feels so good! Seldom do we feel as alive as when we first fall in love. Or Pia - the incomparable love between a parent and a child; or Philios, which is brotherly (or sisterly) love – the love we have for our friends, a love so strong that one soldier will fall on a grenade to save his comrades.

This song, from John Denver, is so meaningful to me, and I think applies to all different types of love. Read it and take a moment to bring the words into your heart.

"Perhaps Love

Perhaps love is like a resting place, a shelter from the storm. It exists to give you comfort, it is there to keep you warm. And in those times of trouble when you are most alone, the memory of love will bring you home.

Perhaps love is like a window, perhaps an open door. It invites you to come closer, it wants to show you more. And even if you lose yourself and don't know what to do, the memory of love will see you through.

Oh, love to some is like a cloud, to some as strong as steel. For some a way of living, for some a way to feel. And some say love is holding on and some say letting go. And some say love is everything, some say they don't know. Perhaps love is like the ocean, full of conflict, full of pain. Like a fire when it's cold outside, thunder when it rains. If I should live forever and all my dreams come true, my memories of love will be of you. “

This month, I invite you to take some time to think about, or meditate on all that you love. And then take it a step further. Make love a verb! Find a way to amplify this love – not just romantic love, but in an unexpected way, to a person, group, animal, or nature. Someone or something that could use the boost that your love can bring. If you want to be loved, take the risk to love first!

New Beginnings

NewBeginning

By Linda Scholten

I went to visit my mother on Vancouver Island, had a great time, and now it was time to leave.  As the ferry pulled out of the harbor, I faced back toward the Island.  It is a beautiful place and I was enjoying the scenery and thinking about what a nice visit we’d had.  Then a thought struck me. No matter how beautiful the place, how wonderful the time, how great the people, you can’t move forward too far while you’re looking back.  The past is important because that’s where you’ve been, lived, learned, suffered, loved, and has contributed to making you who you are today. It can be fun, therapeutic, or instructive to look back, but it won’t get you where you’re going.  To truly move forward, you have to leave the harbor. 

I don’t know anything about navigating a boat, so those of you who do, please forgive me if I’m butchering sacred knowledge. I’m milking a metaphor, not teaching navigation.  It makes sense to me that there are three important things to know:  where you’ve been, where you’re going, and where you are.  Which is the most important of the three?  Depends on your objective.  Do you want to live in the past, the present, or the future?

The past is, well, past.  I love this quote (author unknown):  “When your past calls, don’t answer.  It has nothing new to say.”  All clichés aside, the past is all we’ve known.  For better or worse, it is the harbor we’re leaving.  What or who you knew to succeed there may or may not be helpful where you’re going.

The future beckons or threatens; invites or intimidates; shines a light to move toward or blinds us; welcomes us or scares the crap out of us.  It is what we are moving forward to.  But you can’t live there either.  Great as a place to strive toward, set goals, make plans, imagine, and create.  It is not real. Yet.  You are not there.  Yet.  On a journey, you might change your point of destination.  You might end up somewhere quite different than where you were headed.  By choice, by chance, or by consequence.

Of course where we are now, in the present moment, is where we live.  It is where we begin, or begin again.  The waters we’re on are the ones we navigate.  The waters where you are may be calm or stormy.  The present conditions are the ones you live with, despite what they were like yesterday or will be like tomorrow.  Blessing or curse?  It’s up to you.  Will you use the power of choice?  Will you experience the moment?  Will you live it?  Embrace it?  Be in it?  Or will you squander the present moment with regrets, guilt, or hanging on with longing, to the past?  Or will you miss the present moment by wishing, fantasizing, dreading or fearing the future (your imagined future, that is)?  Are you fully there to make the choices the present moment requires? Your call.  Each and every moment.  A new chance, a new opportunity, a new beginning.

Shall I end with the most obvious cliché?  Shall I be that corny? <Yes, do it!  No, don’t do it! You’ll be glad you did, people will see the humor!  No, they’ll think it is unoriginal and obvious.  You’ll be sorry! Don’t!> I’m doing it!  I’m ending with that corny cliché!

Each and every moment.  A new chance, a new opportunity, a new beginning, a new gift.  That’s why we call it the present!

Linda Scholten offers personal goal coaching! To discuss coaching or to schedule a complimentary sample session, contact Linda at 360-836-9004 or email her at:Linda.Scholten@AccomplishmentCoaching.com

Peace and Forgiveness

by Linda Scholten

I had a conversation in a dream this morning just before I woke up. I was saying to someone that I need to have peace with myself, with you, and with we. And when I said we, I moved my arms around in a big circle to indicate that the “we” meant all. All of humanity, the world. I don’t remember the content of the dream, just this exchange. But what I was getting at was that there was something I couldn’t do in the dream until I had peace with me, you, we. The person I was talking to, said, “Well that’s quite a lot isn’t it? I mean, if you have peace with yourself, with me and all others, you have what you want already. That IS the Work. That IS what you’re up to on this planet. There is no before, during and after that. That process is ongoing.”

At this time of year, Peace, Love, Joy, Goodwill toward all, are referred to more than any other time of year. This is also a time of giving, and I think that these values all thrive best when in the presence of each other. Here’s something else that can thrive in the presence of these values: forgiveness.

Peace is not the absence of war or conflict. Forgiveness is not the absence of anger, resentment, or hurt. Peace and forgiveness are states of being, conscious choices and they inspire intentional actions. Peace and forgiveness are not virtues or values for sissies or the faint of heart. To have peace with me, you, we, requires all the love you have to give.

Is there anyone in your life (include yourself here) who needs your forgiveness? For-give-ness is an extremely powerful act of Giving. Forgiveness is also an act of courage. Courage, being required only if there is fear. And there is often a lot of fear associated with forgiving. Fear of rejection, fear of opening Pandora’s box, fear of letting someone off the hook for a heinous act. Grace has a lot to offer in supporting the act of forgiveness as well. Grace for yourself, and the other(s) and the circumstances. Forgiving how it went. Tired of the ball and chain anchoring you to one spot? Chaining you to the other, yourself, or the circumstances?   Consider forgiveness as the key to the lock, the ultimate letting go. If you were part of the Giving Challenge this month, I invite you to consider forgiving and giving peace as gifts to give. I am going to do this for my last week of the challenge. If you were not part of the Giving challenge, I invite you to consider forgiving and giving the gift of peace as gifts to give.

Forgiveness is an inside job and does not require the knowledge or participation of another. They need never be informed, however, they may feel an unexplainable sense of peace themselves.

I’ll end with a quote from one of my favorite songs: “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.” May Peace be with you now, and always!

The Giving Challenge

Thanksgiving-Clip-Art

by Linda Scholten

A few years ago I heard about a book called 29 Days of Giving: How a month of Giving Can Change Your Life by Cami Walker.

At age 33, Walker was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and her life changed forever. She was in and out of emergency rooms, lost the use of her hands, the vision in one eye, and was barely able to walk. She became depressed and addicted to her pain meds. She described herself as having a pity party.

Walker turned to an African medicine woman named Mbali Creazzo, who said: 'Stop thinking about yourself.' She gave Walker a prescription: Give something away every day for 29 days.

“By giving,” Creazzo told her, “you are focusing on what you have to offer others, inviting more abundance into your life.” The gifts, she said, could be anything, but their giving had to be both authentic and mindful. The gifts did not have to be material; they could be simple acts of kindness. At least one gift needed to be something she felt was scarce in her life.

Walker was amazed by what unfolded, and wrote a book about it. She started a global 29 day giving challenge – even Oprah got in on it, back in 2009. Two years ago when I heard about it, I did my own 29 days of giving challenge, and am going to do it again now. I thought it would be super-easy – shouldn’t we be giving every day anyway? But some days it can be tougher to create an opportunity. Now I am throwing down the gauntlet – issuing a challenge to you – to do the same. The next 29 days cover the span between Thanksgiving (in the U.S.) and Christmas and beyond. I think the timing fits. Conscious, mindful giving, not just on Christmas, but during the busy, sometimes stressful days before, and beyond. If you want to feel gratitude and appreciation, GIVE!!

George Addair, my greatest teacher, once said to me, when I was complaining about something, “You sound like a person who has stopped giving”. That man could say a lot in a few words! That sentence stopped me in my tracks and I have never forgotten it.

Scientific studies have shown that giving literally makes you healthier by increasing antibodies, lowers your risk for heart disease, decreases pain and depression, you catch fewer colds, wounds heal faster, as well as lowering anxiety and the stress hormone cortisol.

I feel like I’m starting to sell you on the benefits of giving, you so I’m going to stop talking. I tend to go on when I get excited about something!

I’ll leave you with a few bits of advice from Cami Walker: remember that the gifts don’t have to be material. “The most important thing is that the gift is offered. Find an opportunity with open heart and don't expect anything in return.” ”Instead of planning out your month of giving… go through each day looking for opportunities to present themselves”.

I will report back to you after my 29 days of giving and would love to hear from any of you who take up the challenge, via email, to linda@blikhouse.com.

Here’s to, not just giving thanks, but giving!