My Life as an Onion

Journey through Bikram Yoga By Karen Carnow

I have spent many years as a Vinyasa yogini, but due to injuries, my practice needed a change.  My friend, Amy, asked me to join her at Bikram, and I did; sporting a very negative attitude.  That particular class did not make me very happy.  The heat was gross, people were wearing bizarre outfits, the poses were boring, I wanted to leave early.  Where was the music, and the flow, and people doing cosmic headstands and arm balances?  What was this? And the worst part, the instructor wanted me to look in the mirror.  She must have been  kidding; for I had not really looked into a mirror in years.  All the yoga I had done previously,  was in a very dark room, preferably with my eyes closed.

But, understanding that I needed yoga in my life, I decided to go again the next day.  I hated that day even more. So hot, so uncomfortable, and no; I am not looking in the mirror.  As that morning wore on, I was amazed at how good I actually felt.  This could be an interesting concept; yoga without pain and competition.   “Fine,” I said to myself agreeing to give Bikram one more chance.

On this third day, an epiphany hit me. I decided  as I “glanced” up, that perhaps the reason I don’t want to look at myself was something very deep and very repressed.  So in final Savasana, I became an “Onion" determined to peel away some of my layers, to find some inner core.

The first layer I needed to attack was my night food binges.  Maybe if I curbed that, I could wake up feeling lighter and less angry. Done.  Layer magically peeled.

The second layer was to change my eating habits, and to replace bad carbohydrates with good ones.  Oh, snickers…how you will be missed.  Layer peeling.

The third layer would be the toughest and would be a work in progress; liking myself  again. Being patient with myself, and knowing that at 56 years old I am doing “pretty darn great.”

I am proud to tell you that I have been doing Bikram almost every day for 8 weeks, and I stopped my abusive food habits. The evolution has been transforming and my onion skins are really starting  to peel away. I am finding self acceptance, and a desire to peel away more layers to find the core with in.

I am amazed that the teachers all guide with a  scripted instruction; and how uniquely different they all are.  Sometimes, I feel like a pretzel, sometimes superman, and sometimes a tin man; it's always different.  Every day. Every instructor.   But, I am finding,  that it is all good.  And that I want more.  And to feel more.  And to peel more.

My goal is to stand in front, wear a cute skimpy outfit, and look in the mirror.  Really look.  And then, I will finally be at the base of my onion.

Ditching Your ‘Yoga Drama’

By P.J. Stuart

It’s not what you think. But it’s real. And it’s hurting you.

No, this is not Junior High School, and there are no stories after class about who-pushed-whom out of Standing Bow pose. There’s no gossip in the locker room over how poorly someone dressed for class that day; and we’re more than likely to thank the teachers who “picked on us” during class rather than harbor grudges toward them afterwards.

This is a different kind of drama.

The 90 minutes we spend sweating through 26 postures, time after time, can be grueling. Physically as well as mentally, we are pushed to our limits and learn to operate well outside our comfort zone. Some days, the heat and the intensity are so taxing we can hardly bear it. We think we might rather die than persevere.   And yet, in bona fide test of character, we go on.

Here’s where the Yoga Drama kicks in.

For me, on an especially dehydrated or overly-tired kind of day, it usually hits me right around the time of Poorna-Salabhasana (aka Full Locust Pose – “the 747 taking off”).  Substitute whichever posture you prefer, the internal dialogue leading up to Yoga Drama usually goes a little something like this:

Oh no. Not this one. I hate this one. Shouldn’t class be over by now?  Seriously it’s awful today. The room is like 1,000 degrees hotter than usual. I don’t think I can do it. Maybe I should just keep my head on the floor and sit this one out. Ugh. Here goes nothing. Hands up. Legs up. Higher. Higher. Seriously?? Are you #%@& kidding me?? How long are they forcing me to hold this one today. I can’t breathe … this hurts … I’m dying!

And then it happens.  As you release yourself from the posture, it comes out …

“UGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH………..sigggggggggggghhhhhhhh…………”

The loudest, most deflating sound effect a human can make as they exhale. That’s Yoga Drama.

Maybe sometimes we have the desire to surrender to our own struggles. Or sometimes, we’re just so desperate to let others know we are suffering. Maybe we want the teacher to hear it, as if to say, “Hey! Quit pushing me so hard.”

How it Hurts:

Fair enough.  But Yoga Drama creates a real handicap, not only for you but also for your fellow yogi classmates and the overall energy of the room.

By affirming your inner pain and discomfort in such an extroverted manner, you are giving power to the nasty voices inside your head that say “I can’t.” It pushes you further away from your own strength.  Underlining your discomfort in such a fashion makes it more tangible, adding negative momentum to what is already a punishing battle of the spirit.

Furthermore, once your inner pain is externalized, it moves into the space between you and your neighbors. It serves as an audible reminder to everyone near you of how tough this practice really gets.  Anyone else struggling to keep up may be susceptible to your moans and decide to start commiserating with you.  Suddenly, the whole class is in rough shape.  (Ok - now I’m being dramatic, I know).

“My biggest concern when I hear the gasps is that it signals the student is probably holding their breath,” says BYPV teacher Mark Trinitapoli.

How to Let it Go:

Just as negative emotion is contagious, so is positive emotion.

1.  Look around you at the amazing will power of those you share the room with. People of all ages and backgrounds are sweating through the yoga with you, enduring their own inner battles of mind over matter. Let them serve as an inspiration to propel you forward with greater strength. Together we thrive.
2.  Give yourself credit for being in the room and don’t be upset or discouraged.  Fight the good fight. Take rest where you need to.
3. Remember, the pain and discomforts you experience are temporary, fleeting feelings. Best of all, they can be vanquished with the simple power of your own deep, steady breathing. (As in Bikram Yoga, as in life itself!)

From one “Yoga Drama victim” to another,

Namaste my friends!

Camel: The Emotional Explosion

By P.J. Stuart It’s way more powerful than a maximum compression of the spine.  And that’s saying a lot.

The deepest backbend of the Bikram series, Ustrasana is also a shattering release of the deepest parts of our psyche.  It exposes us once again to our long-forgotten fears.  It taps lightly on the front door of our repressed anger chamber.  It relinquishes our unexpressed, perhaps self-denied joy and gratitude.  It ushers in a powerful cocktail of grief, hope, delight, frustration.  (And okay – sometimes, it just reminds us to lay off the nachos and beer.)

Knees and feet are six inches apart.  Hands on the back of your hips, fingers pointing down, thumbs to the outside … you take a deep breath …  Suddenly, your midsection is presented to the gods in its most vulnerable fashion, unleashed in full glory by the power of a 360-degree backbend, fueled by gravitation.  In nature, you will rarely see an animal expose its most susceptible region like this.  And yet here we are.  Bam!  Let it out, baby.

In my two years of practicing Bikram, I’ve been through the entire spectrum of emotions after Camel Pose.  I’ve wanted to run out of the room and vomit (and once, I did).  I’ve mourned a lost love.  I’ve plotted an angsty e-mail to a boss, expressing my dissatisfaction over their management style.  I’ve relived aspects my childhood, both positive and negative, gaining insight into my own complicated family dynamics.  I’ve wrestled with acceptance over my current life circumstances.

The power of this release is nothing short of awesome.  Each time, returning to my breath once again through all the inner turbulence, I emerge a lighter, cleaner, less encumbered version of myself.  Perhaps the singularly most intense posture of the entire Bikram series, something magical and crazy happens to each of us during Ustrasana.  It’s strangely healing, beyond the physical benefits to our spine and abdominal organs. BYPV teachers often say, “it’s normal to feel dizzy or nauseous.”  But what causes this “emotional explosion” that comes with it?

Turns out, in psychosomatic science -- which studies the link between the body and the mind -- there is a known connection between the abdominal and pelvic regions to our deepest emotions.  No wonder then, a sudden and dramatic activation of this area would cause such a fierce reaction.

According to reports from American Psychiatric Publishing, there are two reasons this connection exists.  First, the organs in our abdominal and pelvic region are connected to some of the most emotionally engaging activities of our human nature:  nutrition, excretion, sexuality and reproduction. These functions carry profound impact over our entire life experience.  Much of our emotional well-being is related to these activities, and in turn, attached to the cellular memory of these organs.

Second, the organs in this region are powered by the autonomic nervous system.  When we activate our spine in Camel, through maximum compression, we send huge amounts of nervous energy out into those organs.  In other words:  helllllo organs, hellllo emotions … let’s crank up the volume for a hot second, shall we?

So what kinds of experiences can you look forward to next time you’re in Camel?  BYPV teacher Jacquie Malvin said she recently experienced a fit of uncontrollable laughter post-Camel, one she couldn’t explain (I’m still waiting for that to happen to me).  No matter how uncomfortable, physically or emotionally, I can’t wait for my next dose of Ustrasana.  Bring it on.

Easy as ABC

By Niki Hayes "Just try the right way."

"Give it a try."

"All you have to do is try."

If you have ever taken a Bikram Yoga class you have heard these statements. The teachers repeatedly encouraging their students to try the posture the right way, leaving little to no room for options or choices. But in a world of options, (tall, grande, venti, non-fat, skinny, soy, vanilla, caramel, light foam, extra hot, etc) it can be difficult to comprehend the idea of just one option. Understanding the reasoning behind Bikram’s strict policy of “the right way is the hard way” can help you to understand the importance of trying the next time you step on your mat.

There will always be things in this life that are a challenge, especially in the beginning stages. But instead of taking a different route or option or doing an "alternate pose", Bikram encourages everyone to just try the posture. The modification comes with the depth, not the form. As you learn the postures correctly from the very beginning stages of the posture, your depth will slowly come over time. To change and modify the form of the posture in the beginning is just doing injustice for your body and your mind in the long run. Who wants to re-learn the posture after 6 months of thinking they are doing it right?!?! No one.

Think of when a child is learning their ABC's. They will most likely write the "C" backwards a few times. But with gentle encouragement from their teacher and parents and their own focus and determination they will slowly start to write the "C" the right way. But imagine if no one told the child they were writing the "C" wrong and then they get to 4th grade and start learning cursive. The backwards "C" will become an "O" and now they have a problem. They will return to their teacher and parents, and say, "Why didn't you tell me I was writing the "C" backwards?!?!"

It's the same with your yoga! Learning the right way from the beginning can be difficult and frustrating, but over time it will benefit your body and your mind much more than taking short cuts. So if you can’t “lock your knee” or “focus one spot in the front mirror” or “keep a nice, tight grip” yet, don’t worry. Just keep trying!

Bikram says, “Let me encourage you the way I encourage all my students. Can't do a particular yoga posture today? If you persist in trying the right way, a day will come when you can. Don't cheat or change the posture to conform to your individual weaknesses. If you do, the real benefit goes out the window. Would you rather suffer for 90 minutes or 90 years? The right way is the hard way, and it's up to you to make it work. Remember: It's never too late, it's never too bad, and you're never too old or too sick to start from scratch once again."

Conjuring Up Your English Bulldog Determination

By P.J. Stuart Dandayamana Dhanurasana. It’s “everyone’s favorite pose to photograph,” and why wouldn’t it be? Whether you’re showing off Standing Bow in front of the Eiffel Tower or out in the back yard, there’s no better way to demonstrate your physical grace than by snapping a shot of this one. It’s iconic.

But it’s also ironic. Because as effortless as this beautiful posture may appear, many of us know – as we see drops of our own sweat flying onto the mat – Standing Bow demands a huge amount of determination to stay balanced (at least for longer than the 5 seconds it takes for a picture). Bikram says – and BYPV teachers remind us time and again – it takes “English Bulldog determination.” Most admirers would never guess the secret to all your grace and beauty is a … bulldog!

I mean no disrespect to this fierce, wrinkly-faced creature. On the contrary, in an effort to empower myself and improve my practice, I began researching this ferocious animal. As one of Bikram’s designated animal guides (I’ll save the Bengal Tiger for a separate post), I thought it might help to have a more concrete, deeper understanding of this beast.

What makes the English Bulldog so determined?

 FACT #1: Bred for Fighting

Ever wonder why there’s a bull in “bulldog?” This dog’s broad, sturdy jaw isn’t merely a coincidence. A cross between a mastiff and a terrier, the English Bulldog was bred for fighting … specifically, for a sport known as “bull baiting.” In the 1600s, English spectators placed wagers as several dogs were set onto a tethered bull. The dog that successfully grabbed the bull by its nose and pinned it down was proclaimed winner.

Without extreme determination, many of the dogs would die in violent competition.

 TIP: Picture THAT next time you’re holding yourself up in Standing Bow! (And don’t worry, the sport was declared illegal in 1835 under the Cruelty to Animals Act – EnglishBulldogs have had a much cushier, gentler lifestyle ever since).

FACT #2: Stupid Determination

Turns out, there might be psychological reasons English Bulldogs are so gosh-darn determined, too. They rank 78 out of 80 in Stanley Coren’s The Intelligence of Dogs, which ranks dog breeds according to their brainpower. English Bulldogs hold the lowest degree of working/obedience intelligence of all dogs, which makes them less likely to listen to human commands – and more likely to listen to their own animal instincts.

 TIP: When an animal knows it wants or needs something, it will do whatever it takes to get it! Take a tip from our English canine pal, push all your obtrusive human thoughts aside – and channel some of that stupid determination.

FACT #3: Mascot Power

The English Bulldog is the official mascot of the United States Marine Corps. During World War I, many German reports called the attacking Marines “teufel-hunden” (meaning Devil Dogs) – vicious, wild and ferocious. Soon after, U.S. Marine recruiting posters showed the image of a snarling English Bulldog wearing a Marine Corps helmet.

In 1922, at the Marine base at Quanitco, Virginia, the Marines enlisted their first bulldog, Pvt. Jiggs. Today, many USMC bases have their own mascot on base. (Thirty-nine American universities also use a Bulldog as their mascot!)

 TIP: When trying to conjure up your English Bulldog determination, remember – they symbolize the warrior culture of combat marines! Don’t accept anything less. You’re a marine now – yogi style!

BYPV says: Look what you can accomplish with a little of that "English Bulldog determination"!